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Increased Medication


November 2017, we started yet another IUI, IUI #3. This time the doctor wanted to change the amount of fertility medication I was taking. If it meant our chances of having a child increased, we were so up for it! So, the pills, the blood work, the appointments, it all started once again. Everything looked good! Even I noticed the difference in the size of the follicles on the sonogram! I was excited! I remember calling my husband after an appointment telling him “this is it! I feel good about this one, it’s going to work!”

The day before the IUI was scheduled, I went in to once again check the progress to make sure we were at that perfect window for the IUI to be completed. The follicles were huge, and there were a lot more of them than the last two times! I was excited! This was going to be it!!

We were then faced with something we hadn’t yet been faced with. The doctor called that afternoon, and had a very frank conversation with me about what could potentially happen should we proceed with the IUI. We had less than 24 hours to decide if we wanted to do the IUI, or wait until next month, and she suggested the latter.

The doctor called (while I was at work) and said that our chances of having multiples were very high due to the follicle count. She asked if it came down to it, where we stood on selective reduction. Should we proceed with this IUI, and get pregnant with multiples, the chances of pre-term labor, our potential children being preemies, and the potential that I could be putting my health at risk, as well as the health of our potential children were all very real possibilities.

We could get pregnant this time, which was so exciting! On the other hand, the thought that there could be complications with the pregnancy or with our potential children was a lot to take in. I found a private room at work and immediately called my husband. I let him know what the doctor said and told him that it was being strongly recommended we not go through with it. We both agreed that the risks were too high to proceed.

Luckily, there weren’t many people at the office that day, so only one of my co-workers had to see me cry. After being so excited about this IUI and the possibility that this one, this one would be the one to work, to being asked where we stood on selective reduction, to then being told the risk was too high and the doctor didn’t want us to go through with it, really messes with your emotions.

After the initial shock of not being able to do the IUI wore off, I started to reflect on the situation, and the question our doctor asked, and I started to get mad.

Our fertility doctor, is going to ask where WE stand on selective reduction?? Are you joking? We’re here, talking to fertility doctors because we’re struggling to get pregnant with just one child….and you’re now asking how WE feel about aborting a few? There’s absolutely NO WAY. Tell me how? If we were to go through with this, how do you make your “selection?” How do you decide which ones to keep and which ones not to keep? How could someone, in our shoes, doing everything they can just to have one child, decide to abort a few? To abort children, they so desperately want.

It’s just not something we could wrap our heads around. We were so excited about the potential outcome of IUI #3. This one would have worked, but there was too much at risk. We’ve been so ready to add to our family, but I truly believe that making the decision to not go through with it, prevented us from being forced to make very tough decisions down the road. Decisions I don’t feel we would have been in the right state of mind to make. Decisions we would always regret. Decisions to abort our own children, children that we would never know, that would never get a chance to grow up, that would never know we loved them. 

So, it was worth it to us to not go through with it. 

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