The two weeks between the IUI and the bloodwork pregnancy test
feels like it lasts forever, time just seems to drag. I found an article that talks about the stages you go through during these two
weeks, and it’s is spot on! I couldn’t have described it any better! During
that two-week period, we found out that 2 of our friends were pregnant, and it felt
like God had become Oprah. With His arms stretched out pointing and screaming
“you get a baby, you get a baby” meanwhile I was sitting on my couch watching
all this unfold, watching everyone else get their amazing gifts. I was so incredibly happy for them, but on the inside I was devastated, I wanted so badly what they were getting.
It’s Sunday! Finally, it’s the week we find out if the last IUI
worked! Only a few more days to wait!! We just had to make it to Wednesday! We
had to wait until Wednesday for the blood test results. Every night during
those 2 weeks, I’d go to bed and tell myself, ok, when I wake up tomorrow, I’ll
have 3 days until I find out. I’ll have 2 days until I find out. Finally, it
was Tuesday and there’s one more day to wait. My phone rings around 2pm on
Tuesday, and it’s Shady Grove. My nurse called and said that due to the snow
coming on Wednesday, they will be closed and was calling to reschedule my
appointment.
She asked if that was ok, and my smart response was “sure, you can
move it to Thursday, as long as yall call me and tell me the blood work is
positive!” She said we had a deal. I had to wait yet another day to find out.
I had the bloodwork done Thursday morning. Then, we waited for the
call. The call from my nurse to tell us the results. Having done this three
other times, we knew the call would come hours after the bloodwork. So, we’ve
had all morning and part of the afternoon to be anxious, to pray some more, and
hope!
My sweet husband drove me to the appointment because he was
nervous there would be ice on the road, and said he would work from home until
the call came. Thursday, 3/22/2018 at 1:58 pm my phone rings. I run upstairs to
where my husband is and answer the call. It’s a nurse I’ve never spoken to, “Hi
Lindsay, I’m calling on behalf of your doctor, do you have a minute?” I
thought, yes!! I’ve been waiting on your call for 2 weeks! “Congratulations!
You’re pregnant!” Instant tears from both myself and my husband. “Your numbers
came back really strong. They are in the 1,800s, so really high numbers!
Congratulations!” She goes on to tell me there were a few more blood test I
needed to schedule just to make sure my numbers stayed high, and told me to
continue to take one of my medications. After that I have no idea what she
said. I put the phone down as she continued and Brad and I both cried.
I eventually picked up the phone I thanked her like she’d just
saved my life, and in a way, she did.
I looked at my husband and through his tears he says, “I’m going
to be a daddy!” Finally, the moment we’ve waited 770 days for is here. We’re
finally being told “you’re pregnant!”
In a since we knew it, we knew it would work out. We felt
differently, I felt mentally, emotionally and physically different, the doctors
even seemed more positive this time. We knew that this one, IUI #4 would be the
one that would answer our prayers. I thanked God, and told him, that He was
right! That we were ok, and that everything was alright! See what we get for
relying on Him and trusting His timing?! Answered prayers!!
That evening, my husband told me to be ready, an Uber would be
picking us up at 6:30. We were going to dinner. We pulled up to one of our
favorite restaurants, a restaurant you have to call weeks in advance to reserve
a table. I was shocked. How did he get us a table? I looked at him puzzled, and
he said “I knew we would be celebrating. I knew it would work, so I made the
reservation two weeks ago.”
We had our first sonogram on April 5th at 6 weeks pregnant and saw
not one…but two babies! Tears were streaming down our faces as we saw their heartbeats
and their teeny tiny bodies. It had happened, we were looking at our babies on
the screen! We went back two weeks later to check on them. Baby #1 looked good,
had a strong heart beat and we even saw the baby move! We saw baby #2’s
heartbeat also, but the doctor said it wasn’t as strong, and that the baby was
growing about 2 weeks slower than the other baby. She said that by the next
appointment (a month away) there would more than likely be just one baby. She
said it was called vanishing twin, and that it was a common thing. She said
that my body would just absorb the second baby.
I was so very excited that baby #1 looked good, and was growing
like it should, but at the same time devastated that we may not see our second
baby at the next appointment. We saw baby #2’s heartbeat, we saw its little
body, baby #2 was real, and the thought of our baby not being there in a month
was heartbreaking.
It’s
our 12-week appointment, and we were so anxious and so excited! It was our
first appointment with our OB and not with the fertility doctor. We heard the
heartbeat for the first time, and what a beautiful sound it was!! A sound we’ve
been waiting so long to hear. “It’s so strong” our doctor told us as the tears
fell, but, there was only one heartbeat. “There’s only one?” I asked, “Yes” she
said, “there’s only one.” We’d been told, it was a strong possibility baby #2
wouldn’t be there, but we were so hopeful. How can you feel such excitement and
overwhelming sadness at the same time? Excitement that we were seeing our baby
and hearing their heartbeat, something that we’ve wanted for so long, and
sadness that the second baby was no longer there, a baby we saw, a baby we
created, a baby we would never get to hold.
Knowing
that we started out with two, and now had one was/is a tough thing for us emotionally.
But, we were over the moon that baby #1 made it to 12 weeks and was healthy, growing
and measuring like they should be! We’ve had a constant smile on our faces, and
our hearts have grown so much since finding out, seeing our baby and hearing
their heartbeat!!
We
are so incredibly excited to be welcoming baby Kiger in November!
No words….
There will never be enough words, no amount of thank yous will ever be enough for all of your support, prayers, encouragement and love. For going thorough this emotional journey with us. For reaching out to Brad and me, for telling your own stories, for those who can relate and provided a glimmer of hope, for those who can’t relate and still reached out, for being a shoulder to lean on and shed tears on, an ear to vent to, for your hugs and prayers. For everything. To everyone who’s commented, who’s texted, who’s sent private messages, who’s checked on us through our parents, who’s been there for us. Thank you. It’s because of you, God, faith, hope, a lot of prayers and all of your support that this incredibly tough and bumpy journey was made just a little bit easier.
Hindsight.....
Hindsight is always 20/20, and looking through our journey, you
can totally see how much God was involved. He knows everything before we do, He
is the author of our lives and knows how our stories will end.
From the beginning, (stole that from Genesis!) God knew that we
would struggle to get pregnant. That we would need money for the 7 months of
testing, for a year of procedures, and doctor appointments, for all the
medications, so he opened a door for my husband to start a new career, enjoy
it, and be very successful at it.
God knew that although I’d taken a new job, he knew that it
wouldn’t be a good fit, and he opened a door for me to be able to go back to my
previous job. A job that I loved. He knew that I would need to be around
people, and co-workers I really enjoyed, and to have a supportive boss. He knew
that I would need a flexible schedule to be able to take off work for all the
appointments.
He knew that we would need friends who could relate to what we
were going through, and provided them to us before we’d even started our fertility
journey. Friends that became a support group, friends that became family.
God knew that we would have many ups and so many downs. God knew
that we would lean on Him through the down times, and praise him in the good
times. He knew that this process would restore our faith, that we would look to
seek Him more.
He knew that I would start to call out to him during a time of complete
darkness, and that He would be the source of light and comfort. He knew He didn’t
need to have the answers all my questions, that all He’d have to say were 8
words and that they would change my life.
He started to tug on my heart, to start doing a blog. Something
that for a long time I didn’t want to do. A blog that would get our story out
there, to make fertility more of a conversation, rather than something that’s
swept under the rug. He knew that by doing a blog, that I would talk about Him,
and that others would see how amazing He is, and how everything is done in
God’s timing.
He knew that I shouldn’t go see my sister for her birthday. He
knew that I would need to be here, to go to those appointments. He knew that
this one would work! I told my husband, that weekend, the windstorm was because
of us. God didn’t want me to fly anywhere! He knew I needed to be at home.
He knew that I would begin writing this blog fearful, filled with
questions, left with wonder, desperate for answers. He knew that other people
would read this and feel less alone. He knew that He would speak to me, and
that all that worry, doubt, and unanswered questions, would turn into hope, and
that I would put my trust in Him.
He knew that I would end this blog filled with a different type of
wonder, joy and excitement. He knew that He would provide for us, that He would
answer our prayers in His own time, and He did!
This has been our journey to baby Kiger.
To those who continue their fertility journey, don’t give up, keep
fighting, don’t lose hope and know, that so many people are going through similar situations.
Please remember that I will always have an ear and shoulder ready for you at any time. Xoxo
